Things thought about on a long, extremely wet bike ride home, while listening to Sinead O’Connor’s "Downpressor Man"

– “I hope my phone isn’t dead. The black screen and lack of little red light and general unresponsiveness is a bad sign.”
– “Wow, crashing my bike after going over those wet train tracks makes me want to cry.”
– “Wow, crashing my bike after skidding to a stop on my turn-off on the Springwater Trail makes me make pitiful angry squeaks.”
– “What happened to the little plastic black thingy on my bike handle? I came out of yoga class and it was gone. Was it stolen? Did it slip off from the rainwater and I didn’t even notice it? It’s just bare metal now. Makes my hand colder, and slippier. I hope it’s not expensive to replace.”
– “You know, I actually really like my job. I like that I’ve gotten to know the kids at this point. I really enjoy playing UNO with them especially. Nicholas, the multitasker, reading his Ripley’s Believe it or Not picturebook while writing down his spelling words and playing UNO at the same time. Jonathan, so hard-working, my best bud. Even the older kids who prefer gossiping to working don’t even get on my nerves anymore. I feel you, Wintana, I wouldn’t want to do that lame-looking social studies homework either.”
– “I am really, really looking forward to buy expensive new rain pants.”
– “I am really, really looking forward to buying galoshes and not having sloshy water-filled shoes. Wretched Californian-purchased, Cambodian-made merchandise.”
– “I have to write 4,000 words for NanoWrimo tonight in order to catch up with the quota I’m supposed to have. When did this stop being fun and start feeling like school again? A) When you no longer have a 3-day weekend. B) When you realized you are 16,000 words in and you have not yet explained why/how your main character thinks he is/actually is a werewolf. Considering this is the supposed central crux of your ‘opus,’ THIS IS SOMEWHAT OF A PROBLEM. C) You started rereading your work and editing it. NO, FOOL. THAT IS NOT THE POINT OF THE EXERCISE.”

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